Offside Thursday/Not much of a dog fight in Arizona

A road trip to forget. I was in Arizona and let me tell you the Kings looked dreadful.Yes we won ,1 out of 3. Big deal.

Saturday night

The Arizona Sundogs thumped us 7-4. Arizona took a 1-0 lead as Joey Sides scored on the powerplay at 3:26 of the first period. That’s the way it would end at the end of twenty minutes of play 1-0 Sundogs.

Mississippi tied the game at one on a goal at 2:35 by Matt Summers’. Then Lackner scored at 4:43. The Kings were up by one. Then, all of a sudden the Kings stopped playing, they had no jump and looked like they would rather be on the golf course, Don’t worry boys, you’ll be on the course sooner than you think.

The Sundogs scored four in a row, Kyle Hood, Tyler Butler (powerplay), Corey Laurysen, and Mark Kolanos scored for the Dogs. It was 5-2 at the end of forty minutes for the Sundogs.

Kings netminder Sterling got the call in the third as Alexander Pechurskiy got the hook. But that didn’t seem to change things as Luke Erickson and Samuel Grenache found the back of the net. It was 7-2 Arizona. However, the RiverKings scored two more, Sarazin (powerplay) and Landmesser scored. The final 7-4 Dogs.

Mississippi were 2-for-7 on the powerplay. I don’t even know why they call it a powerplay anymore. Arizona was 3-for-8.

Pechurskiy stopped 16 of 21 shots directed his way. Sterling stopped 5-of-7 shots. Not a good average for netminders.The Sundogs netminder Szuper stopped 28 shots.

Friday night.

We got a win, which made my monster-in-law just furious.

Arizona got on the board first, Luke Erickson scored. The Kings Darrell Stoddard scored at 14:11 to tie things up at 1-1. Auger gave us a lead at 17:34, it was 2-1 Kings after one.

The second period was dull, but the Kings did score one more with R.G. Flath finding the twine with 23 seconds left in the second. It was 3-1 Kings after forty minutes of play.

The RiverKings scored one more in the third period as Boyd scored his fifth of the year.

The powerplay was dismal for both teams, 0-for-6 on the night..

Prior to the game, Central Hockey League commissioner Duane Lewis joined Arizona ownership in announcing that the 2012 CHL All-Star game would be played in Arizona. I got all excited about that. You know how much I like All-Star games.

Up next…Tonight’s game is at the DCC as the Dayton Gems are in town. Game time is at 7:05 pm. We play in Wichita  on Friday and in Quad City on Saturday.All three games will be available on Sports 56, WHBQ-AM (560), with Bob Bakken making the call.

Kings notes

The RiverKings announced that defenseman Milan Maslonka has been placed on the team suspension list.Ho hum!!

Joe Sports thoughts

The RiverKings lost last Wednesday night to Arizona 4-1.

KIngs record-25- 27- 5 for 55 points.

It’s been a horrible year, and judging by the Kings’ uninspired play all season long, nothing can save this season. The damage has already been done.

Sometimes you’re right; sometimes you’re wrong. And other times you’re really, really wrong. In my predictions for the season, I very publicly declared that the Kings would end up at the bottom of the Berry Conference. Hey I got something right.

Instead of everything going right for the Kings this season, just about everything has gone wrong. The season thus far has been one huge catastrophe after another. I don’t think a single King has exceeded expectations, while a fair number have been huge disappointments. Now, we have 9 games left in which to pick apart this lousy team.

I am tired of watching the total lack of commitment from this hockey team. To watch what went on Saturday night against Arizona is inexcusable. I am tired hearing Kings players say there is lots of character in the room. That maybe is true,but what they do not have is a character team. A big difference, a difference the players and management have been turning a blind eye to for years.

That’s the way I see it and I’m Joe Sports.

Its time for Offside Thursday.

A survey of online flirting by has identified the three pick-up lines women respond to the most:
3. I love the way you dress;
2. You have beautiful lips;
1. I play in the NBA.

A UK company that makes men’s briefs lined with two layers of kevlar is reporting a jump in sales. The two biggest buyers are a) soldiers wanting protection from land mines, and b) NBA players wanting protection from Kevin Garnett.

Q: What do you get if you combine a one-time NHL MVP with two Stanley Cup-winning brothers, a two-time NBA MVP and a former NFL MVP?

A: Crosby, Staals, Nash and Young.

Masha Lopatova, wife of Utah Jazz guard Andrei Kirilenko, reportedly allows him one day a year to be with another woman. This puts a whole new spin on an uncontested score.

Thousands of Freiburg soccer fans turned out for a recent home game despite a major route to and from the stadium being blocked by migrating toads. Clearly they love their team, warts and all.

Dustin Byfuglien of the Thrashers said growing up he thought he’d be an ice fisherman not an NHL player. Three difference between the two:
3. In hockey, you have only one line out at a time;
2. Ice fishermen usually aim for the one hole;
1. Hockey players only get two minutes for hooking.

Because of a cash-flow problem, the New York Mets have received a $25-million loan from Major League baseball. The team celebrated by signing a free agent.

There’s bad news and good news for Antawn Jamison of the Cavaliers, who just surgery to repair a broken left pinky. First, he can’t play for Cleveland the rest of season. I’m not sure what the bad news is.

A Buddhist monk is facing five years in prison for violating Bhutan’s nation-wide cigarette and tobacco ban. Holy smokes.

BYU star sophomore Brandon Davies was suspended from the basketball team indefinitely for getting his girlfriend pregnant: Well, that should silence all the doubters who wondered if Davies is NBA ready.

A study found eight per cent of players in the top 25 college football programs have criminal records. I’m thinking the other 92 per cent haven’t been caught.

Jeffrey Lurie, owner of the Philadelphia Eagles, won an Academy Award for producing the documentary Inside Job. It is the story of how an NFL team breaks a man out of prison so he can quarterback the Eagles.

Miguel Cabrera being in the Detroit Tigers lineup for the first time this week as a designated hitter: “And maybe someday he’ll be a designated driver.”

Northwestern University is investigating a psychology professor who allowed a couple to have sex in front of a class. What’s the big deal? The class was NBA 101.

The five most miserable sports cities, according to 5. San Diego; 4. Buffalo; 3. Phoenix; 2. Atlanta; 1. Seattle. Clearly, Forbes anticipated the Leafs making a run for the playoffs.

The Cubs announced a search is on for the next public address announcer at Wrigley Field: “The job has all kinds of great benefits. Including, of course, having every October off.”

“Who said, ‘All my people love me?’ 1. Moammar Gadhafi; 2. Charlie Sheen; 3. Leaf coach Ron Wilson.’ ”

With so many Charlie Sheen videos to choose from this week, we’re going to pick Jimmy Fallon’s impersonation.

Sheen rambles in his corner

The week’s best late-night laughs

Late Show

David Letterman

CBS has shut down Charlie Sheen’s show, Two and a Half Men. Now I’m back to being CBS’ No. 1 paid embarrassment.

Charlie Sheen says he will come back, but he wants a raise. At least he hasn’t lost his sense of humour … The CBS commissary has named a sandwich after Charlie Sheen. It’s called a tuna meltdown.

Tonight Show

Jay Leno

Charlie Sheen said that you can’t compare him to other people because he has “tiger blood.” Then Tiger Woods said, “I have Charlie Sheen blood.”

Between Charlie Sheen, Christina Aguilera, and Lindsay Lohan, it’s been a rough time for stars. Who knew Britney Spears would be the role model?

It was really cool at the Oscars when they made it appear as if Bob Hope was alive. That’s the same technology they’ll use at Hugh Hefner’s wedding.


Conan O’Brien

Moammar Gadhafigave a rambling speech that lasted nearly three hours. So now we know where all of Charlie Sheen’s cocaine went.

Christina Aguilera was arrested for public intoxication. Police knew she was drunk because she got all the words to the national anthem right.

People complained that the Oscars were too dull. They’ve already named the hosts for next year: Charlie Sheen and Moammar Gadhafi.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Jimmy Kimmel

This is our 1,500th show. To put that in perspective, it only takes 11 episodes to choose a winner on American Idol … Charlie Sheen is also celebrating an anniversary. It’s his 1,500th interview for the week.

Charlie created a Twitter account to fill the gap between saying crazy things on television with saying crazy things online.

Charlie’s two sons are now in the care of their mother in a safer place: Libya.

Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson

Christina Aguilera was arrested for public intoxication. Is that really a crime? … Apparently Aguilera was stumbling and incoherent, which makes her perfect to host next year’s Oscars.

Happy Independence Day to Texas. For nine years, Texas was its own country. I think Texans still consider themselves another country … The show Walker: Texas Ranger never made sense to me. In a state where everyone carries a gun, he’s a ranger armed with only karate.

Anne Hathaway says she was paid $750,000 to wear a Tiffany diamond necklace to the Oscars. Lindsay Lohan said, “You can do that?”

No More Snow – Please!!!

Inside a Google auto-driving car

Yet again, Google makes advances in technology. This time they show off their auto-driven car at TED 2011. We’re counting down the days until we can get into our own automobiles and take a nap on the commute to work


Hidden camera comic Jack Vale unleashes his newest prank: Passwords. In this humorous bit, Jack tells customers the tongue-twisting secret code they will have to say in order to get a discount

Camera Capture

With some fantastic special effects we learn about all the settings that we never use on our digital cameras.

Baby laughs at Ripping Paper

Quite refreshing in contrast to all the Sheen stuff floating around this week.

Winnipeg’s Maria Aragon performs with Lady Gaga

The Canadian YouTube sensation that we featured a couple of weeks ago performed “Born This Way” with Lady Gaga in Toronto this week.


For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great ‘one liner’s’ from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late
for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her
first name was ‘Always’.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”.

Can’t you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word.
It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words,”And May God Bless” with a big smile on his face.

Ok, it’s time to play Offside Thursdays can you find it !!

Can you find the baby

That’s it for this week, enjoy the games this weekend.

I’m Joe Sports.

Picture of the day !!

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