2012 M Awards: Favorite Local Sports Radio Program

Listen to me and you shall hear, news hath not been this thousand year:
Since Herod, Caesar, and many more, you never heard the like before.
Holy-dayes are despis’d, new fashions are devis’d.
Old Christmas is kicked out of Tow
Yet let’s be content, and the times lament, you see the world turn’d upside down.

Yes the world has been turned upside down, Chris Vernon didn’t win… Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria! Quoting English ballads and Ghostbusters at the same time!

The Gary Parrish Show with Geoff CalkinsFirst Place: 48.31%
The Chris Vernon ShowSecond Place: 26.35%
MSL with Kevin Cerrito and Marcus HunterThird Place: 7.09%

Best song to listen to while contemplating this category… Mean Streak by Little Big Town. So what do you think, Memphis? Did you get it right? Tell us what you think in the comments below.

The 2012 M Award Winners

Favorite Concessions: FedExForum
Favorite Place To Tailgate: Tiger Lane
Favorite Sporting Venue: FedExForum
Favorite Race: St. Jude Marathon
Best Game: Grizzlies Game 6 Win
Most Memorable Moment: University of Memphis Gets Invitation to the Big East
Favorite Annual Event: Memphis Madness
Moment We Would Most Like To Forget: Grizzlies Game 1 Collapse to the Clippers
Best Offbeat Moment: Josh Pastner Accidentally Tweeting Out “Tony Parker”
Best Musical Performance: Ellen, St. Jude Patient, Singing the National Anthem at a Grizzlies Game
Best Place To Stock Up For The Big Game: Kroger
Best Local Sports Bar/Restaurant: Huey’s
Best National Sports Bar/Restaurant: Buffalo Wild Wings
Best Place To Eat Before/After The Game: Huey’s
Best Place To Take The Team After A Victory: Memphis Pizza Cafe
Best Place To Play Cards: Horseshoe Casino and Hotel
Best Golf Course: TPC Southwind
Favorite Golf Store: Edwin Watts Golf
Favorite Sporting Goods Store: Dick’s Sporting Goods
Favorite Sports Apparel Store: Tiger Bookstore
Favorite Workout Facility: YMCA
Favorite Healthy Store: Whole Foods Market
Favorite Place To Spend A Nice Afternoon: The Memphis Zoo
Favorite Bike Shop: Outdoors, Inc.
Favorite Local Sports Radio Personality: Gary Parrish, Gary Parrish Show
Favorite Local Sports Radio Program: The Gary Parrish Show with Geoff Calkins

Check back here daily in the month of July for a new winner in MemphiSport’s annual celebration of the best in Memphis sports.

2012 M Awards: Favorite Local Sports Radio Personality

Le Roi est mort, vive le Roi! — Look it up.

Gary Parrish, Gary Parrish ShowFirst Place: 44.63%
Chris Vernon, Chris Vernon ShowSecond Place: 28.19%
Eric Hasseltine, Eric Hasseltine Show, Grizzlies Play-by-Play AnnouncerThird Place: 16.73%

Best song to listen to while contemplating this category… Dead and Gone by T.I. So what do you think, Memphis? Did you get it right? Tell us what you think in the comments below.

The 2012 M Award Winners

Favorite Concessions: FedExForum
Favorite Place To Tailgate: Tiger Lane
Favorite Sporting Venue: FedExForum
Favorite Race: St. Jude Marathon
Best Game: Grizzlies Game 6 Win
Most Memorable Moment: University of Memphis Gets Invitation to the Big East
Favorite Annual Event: Memphis Madness
Moment We Would Most Like To Forget: Grizzlies Game 1 Collapse to the Clippers
Best Offbeat Moment: Josh Pastner Accidentally Tweeting Out “Tony Parker”
Best Musical Performance: Ellen, St. Jude Patient, Singing the National Anthem at a Grizzlies Game
Best Place To Stock Up For The Big Game: Kroger
Best Local Sports Bar/Restaurant: Huey’s
Best National Sports Bar/Restaurant: Buffalo Wild Wings
Best Place To Eat Before/After The Game: Huey’s
Best Place To Take The Team After A Victory: Memphis Pizza Cafe
Best Place To Play Cards: Horseshoe Casino and Hotel
Best Golf Course: TPC Southwind
Favorite Golf Store: Edwin Watts Golf
Favorite Sporting Goods Store: Dick’s Sporting Goods
Favorite Sports Apparel Store: Tiger Bookstore
Favorite Workout Facility: YMCA
Favorite Healthy Store: Whole Foods Market
Favorite Place To Spend A Nice Afternoon: The Memphis Zoo
Favorite Bike Shop: Outdoors, Inc.
Favorite Local Sports Radio Personality: Gary Parrish, Gary Parrish Show

Check back here daily in the month of July for a new winner in MemphiSport’s annual celebration of the best in Memphis sports.

Win Two Grizz Shirts Plus A “Believe Memphis” Headband

NOTE: THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED. THANKS FOR ENTERING.
THE 12 HOLIDAYS OF MEMPHISPORT: SILVERTIP DAY The bears will soon be out of hibernation. We thought for a while that the bears might sleep through the winter, but just in time for Silvertip Day, the bears are coming out of hibernation, just in time to miss the entire Kardashian who-knows-what.

TODAY’S GIVEAWAY: On the sixth day of the 12 Holidays of MemphiSport we give away six gifts. Six lucky commenters will win a a Zach Randolph t-shirt from the Chris Vernon radio show, plus a ‘Believe Memphis’ shirt and headband courtesy of your Memphis Grizzlies. Silvertip Day is here. say it loud and proud.

TO WIN — ANSWER THIS QUESTION: When is the last time you overslept and what did you miss? Was it worth it? Leave your answer in the comments below. Six winners will be picked at random.

THANKS: Much love for our friends Chris Vernon and the Grizzlies. It’s almost time to grind. Season tickets start at $10 per game. And you can get cool Grizz gear from Vernon here. Wear the bear.

WHAT ARE THE 12 HOLIDAYS OF MEMPHISPORT? It is that time of the year again. It is our favorite time of the year. The holidays are upon us. And we at MemphiSport love to show our holiday spirit. This year we have special holiday themed giveaways planned for all 12 days of the most exciting days of the year. 12 days of giveaways. The 12 Holidays of MemphiSport. And you can still win other cool stuff by visiting these pages:

The First Holiday of MemphiSport: Caesar’s Day (Free Harrah’s Tunica stuff)
The Second Holiday of MemphiSport: Boggoween (Free Huey’s stuff)
The Third Holiday of MemphiSport: Drop the Strap Day (Free Memphis Heat stuff)
The Fourth Holiday of MemphiSport: Day of the Bird (Free Redbirds stuff)
The Fifth Holiday of MemphiSport: Memphis Solstice (Starry Nights stuff)

2011 M Awards: Favorite Sports Talk Radio Segment

A surprising turn of events, indeed. Chris Vernon, er, umm, I mean, Chris Glitter, won the past two radio awards in runaway fashion. Yet this new award is only for a small segment of a show. A bit, if you will. Mr. Glitter only managed third place in this category with Gary Parrish and Geoff Calkins version of trivia taking the top spot. What does it say about me that I don’t think I have ever answered one of the Harvard questions correctly and that Horn Lake questions seem like they were meant for a first-grader? Heck, I don’t even know where Harvard is?!? Note to Geoff: I would like to win, maybe you could dumb your trivia down a bit – maybe at least to Rhodes College. Harvard is hard.

Harvard/Horn Lake Trivia, Gary Parrish ShowFirst Place: 33.71%
Hang Up & Listen, MSL with Kevin Cerrito and Marcus Hunter, Second Place: 17.42%
“The World’s Greatest Handicapper” Jimmy Denunzio, Chris Vernon Show, Third Place: 14.02%
Best Write-in Vote: Whenever Demarcus calls into The Chris Vernon Show

So what do you think, Memphis?  Tell us what you think in the comments below. And look for another winner soon. Here are the winners so far…

The 2011 M Award Winners

For the first time ever the M Awards are being announced online. Check back here daily in the month of July for a new winner in MemphiSport’s annual celebration of the best in Memphis sports.

Favorite Concessions: FedExForum
Favorite Place To Tailgate: Tiger Lane
Favorite Sporting Venue: FedExForum
Favorite Race: The Grizzlies Playoff Race
Best Game: CUSA Championship Game
Most Memorable Moment: Rudy Gay Beats the Heat
Favorite Annual Event: Memphis Madness
Moment We Would Most Like To Forget: Murder of Lorenzen Wright
Best Offbeat Moment: Snoop Dogg courtside during his concert
Best Musical Performance: Yo Gotti at Memphis Madness
Best In-Game Entertainment: Memphis Tigers Dance Team
Best Place To Stock Up For The Big GameKroger
Best Local Sports Bar/Restaurant: Hueys
Best National Sports Bar Restaurant: Buffalo Wild Wings
Best Place To Eat Before/After The Game: Hueys
Best Place To Take The Team After A Victory: Memphis Pizza Cafe
Best Place To Play Cards: Horseshoe Casino
Best Golf Course: Mirimichi
Favorite Golf StoreEdwin Watts Golf
Favorite Sporting Goods Store: Dick’s Sporting Goods
Favorite Sports Apparel Store: Tiger Bookstore
Favorite Workout Facility: YMCA
Favorite Healthy Store: Whole Foods Market
Favorite Place To Spend A Nice Afternoon: The Memphis Zoo
Favorite Bike Shop: Peddler Bike Shop
Best Local Sports Radio Personality: Chris Vernon
Best Local Sports Radio Program: The Chris Vernon Show
Favorite Sports Talk Radio Segment: Harvard/Horn Lake Trivia

Click here to listen to the 2011 M Awards Nominations Special

2011 M Awards: Favorite Local Sports Radio Program

The year: 2011. From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man’s civilization is cast in ruin! Earth is reborn… A strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science, and sorcery. But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice! He pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil. He is…

Yes, Chris Glitter has done it again. He has swept the two radio media categories again this year. So that is five years in a row Vernon has won Favorite Local Sports Radio Personality and Favorite Local Sports Radio Program. Maybe Tony Allen needs to get some Chris Vernon shirts printed with “5-time M Award winner” on them.

The Chris Vernon ShowFirst Place: 36.88%
The Gary Parrish Show with Geoff CalkinsSecond Place: 26.95%
MSL with Kevin Cerrito and Marcus HunterThird Place: 8.87%
Best Write-in Vote: Mid-South Racing Report

So what do you think, Memphis? Tell us what you think in the comments below. And look for another winner soon. Here are the winners so far…

The 2011 M Award Winners

For the first time ever the M Awards are being announced online. Check back here daily in the month of July for a new winner in MemphiSport’s annual celebration of the best in Memphis sports.

Favorite Concessions: FedExForum
Favorite Place To Tailgate: Tiger Lane
Favorite Sporting Venue: FedExForum
Favorite Race: The Grizzlies Playoff Race
Best Game: CUSA Championship Game
Most Memorable Moment: Rudy Gay Beats the Heat
Favorite Annual Event: Memphis Madness
Moment We Would Most Like To Forget: Murder of Lorenzen Wright
Best Offbeat Moment: Snoop Dogg courtside during his concert
Best Musical Performance: Yo Gotti at Memphis Madness
Best In-Game Entertainment: Memphis Tigers Dance Team
Best Place To Stock Up For The Big GameKroger
Best Local Sports Bar/Restaurant: Hueys
Best National Sports Bar Restaurant: Buffalo Wild Wings
Best Place To Eat Before/After The Game: Hueys
Best Place To Take The Team After A Victory: Memphis Pizza Cafe
Best Place To Play Cards: Horseshoe Casino
Best Golf Course: Mirimichi
Favorite Golf StoreEdwin Watts Golf
Favorite Sporting Goods Store: Dick’s Sporting Goods
Favorite Sports Apparel Store: Tiger Bookstore
Favorite Workout Facility: YMCA
Favorite Healthy Store: Whole Foods Market
Favorite Place To Spend A Nice Afternoon: The Memphis Zoo
Favorite Bike Shop: Peddler Bike Shop
Best Local Sports Radio Personality: Chris Vernon
Best Local Sports Radio Program: The Chris Vernon Show

Click here to listen to the 2011 M Awards Nominations Special

 

2011 M Awards: Favorite Local Sports Radio Personality

Just what is a personality? Mae West once said, “Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.” Well Chris Vernon must have a lot of glitter, more than Mariah Carey in her sparkling movie debut. More than even Tinkerbell might ever hope to possess. One has to wonder if Vernon holds more glitter than the late famed Liberace. He has won this award an astounding five years straight. Maybe he should be renamed Chris Glitter from this day forth. Congrats Mr. Glitter, once again.

Chris VernonFirst Place: 42.55%
Gary ParrishSecond Place: 24.82%
Kevin CerritoThird Place: 8.16%
Best Write-in Vote: John Rainey

So what do you think, Memphis? Tell us what you think in the comments below. And look for another winner soon. Here are the winners so far…

The 2011 M Award Winners

For the first time ever the M Awards are being announced online. Check back here daily in the month of July for a new winner in MemphiSport’s annual celebration of the best in Memphis sports.

Favorite Concessions: FedExForum
Favorite Place To Tailgate: Tiger Lane
Favorite Sporting Venue: FedExForum
Favorite Race: The Grizzlies Playoff Race
Best Game: CUSA Championship Game
Most Memorable Moment: Rudy Gay Beats the Heat
Favorite Annual Event: Memphis Madness
Moment We Would Most Like To Forget: Murder of Lorenzen Wright
Best Offbeat Moment: Snoop Dogg courtside during his concert
Best Musical Performance: Yo Gotti at Memphis Madness
Best In-Game Entertainment: Memphis Tigers Dance Team
Best Place To Stock Up For The Big GameKroger
Best Local Sports Bar/Restaurant: Hueys
Best National Sports Bar Restaurant: Buffalo Wild Wings
Best Place To Eat Before/After The Game: Hueys
Best Place To Take The Team After A Victory: Memphis Pizza Cafe
Best Place To Play Cards: Horseshoe Casino
Best Golf Course: Mirimichi
Favorite Golf StoreEdwin Watts Golf
Favorite Sporting Goods Store: Dick’s Sporting Goods
Favorite Sports Apparel Store: Tiger Bookstore
Favorite Workout Facility: YMCA
Favorite Healthy Store: Whole Foods Market
Favorite Place To Spend A Nice Afternoon: The Memphis Zoo
Favorite Bike Shop: Peddler Bike Shop
Best Local Sports Radio Personality: Chris Vernon

Click here to listen to the 2011 M Awards Nominations Special

 

Offside Thursday/Not much of a dog fight in Arizona

A road trip to forget. I was in Arizona and let me tell you the Kings looked dreadful.Yes we won ,1 out of 3. Big deal.

Saturday night

The Arizona Sundogs thumped us 7-4. Arizona took a 1-0 lead as Joey Sides scored on the powerplay at 3:26 of the first period. That’s the way it would end at the end of twenty minutes of play 1-0 Sundogs.

Mississippi tied the game at one on a goal at 2:35 by Matt Summers’. Then Lackner scored at 4:43. The Kings were up by one. Then, all of a sudden the Kings stopped playing, they had no jump and looked like they would rather be on the golf course, Don’t worry boys, you’ll be on the course sooner than you think.

The Sundogs scored four in a row, Kyle Hood, Tyler Butler (powerplay), Corey Laurysen, and Mark Kolanos scored for the Dogs. It was 5-2 at the end of forty minutes for the Sundogs.

Kings netminder Sterling got the call in the third as Alexander Pechurskiy got the hook. But that didn’t seem to change things as Luke Erickson and Samuel Grenache found the back of the net. It was 7-2 Arizona. However, the RiverKings scored two more, Sarazin (powerplay) and Landmesser scored. The final 7-4 Dogs.

Mississippi were 2-for-7 on the powerplay. I don’t even know why they call it a powerplay anymore. Arizona was 3-for-8.

Pechurskiy stopped 16 of 21 shots directed his way. Sterling stopped 5-of-7 shots. Not a good average for netminders.The Sundogs netminder Szuper stopped 28 shots.

Friday night.

We got a win, which made my monster-in-law just furious.

Arizona got on the board first, Luke Erickson scored. The Kings Darrell Stoddard scored at 14:11 to tie things up at 1-1. Auger gave us a lead at 17:34, it was 2-1 Kings after one.

The second period was dull, but the Kings did score one more with R.G. Flath finding the twine with 23 seconds left in the second. It was 3-1 Kings after forty minutes of play.

The RiverKings scored one more in the third period as Boyd scored his fifth of the year.

The powerplay was dismal for both teams, 0-for-6 on the night..

Prior to the game, Central Hockey League commissioner Duane Lewis joined Arizona ownership in announcing that the 2012 CHL All-Star game would be played in Arizona. I got all excited about that. You know how much I like All-Star games.

Up next…Tonight’s game is at the DCC as the Dayton Gems are in town. Game time is at 7:05 pm. We play in Wichita  on Friday and in Quad City on Saturday.All three games will be available on Sports 56, WHBQ-AM (560), with Bob Bakken making the call.

Kings notes

The RiverKings announced that defenseman Milan Maslonka has been placed on the team suspension list.Ho hum!!

Joe Sports thoughts

The RiverKings lost last Wednesday night to Arizona 4-1.

KIngs record-25- 27- 5 for 55 points.

It’s been a horrible year, and judging by the Kings’ uninspired play all season long, nothing can save this season. The damage has already been done.

Sometimes you’re right; sometimes you’re wrong. And other times you’re really, really wrong. In my predictions for the season, I very publicly declared that the Kings would end up at the bottom of the Berry Conference. Hey I got something right.

Instead of everything going right for the Kings this season, just about everything has gone wrong. The season thus far has been one huge catastrophe after another. I don’t think a single King has exceeded expectations, while a fair number have been huge disappointments. Now, we have 9 games left in which to pick apart this lousy team.

I am tired of watching the total lack of commitment from this hockey team. To watch what went on Saturday night against Arizona is inexcusable. I am tired hearing Kings players say there is lots of character in the room. That maybe is true,but what they do not have is a character team. A big difference, a difference the players and management have been turning a blind eye to for years.

That’s the way I see it and I’m Joe Sports.

Its time for Offside Thursday.

A survey of online flirting by Badoo.com has identified the three pick-up lines women respond to the most:
3. I love the way you dress;
2. You have beautiful lips;
1. I play in the NBA.

A UK company that makes men’s briefs lined with two layers of kevlar is reporting a jump in sales. The two biggest buyers are a) soldiers wanting protection from land mines, and b) NBA players wanting protection from Kevin Garnett.

Q: What do you get if you combine a one-time NHL MVP with two Stanley Cup-winning brothers, a two-time NBA MVP and a former NFL MVP?

A: Crosby, Staals, Nash and Young.

Masha Lopatova, wife of Utah Jazz guard Andrei Kirilenko, reportedly allows him one day a year to be with another woman. This puts a whole new spin on an uncontested score.

Thousands of Freiburg soccer fans turned out for a recent home game despite a major route to and from the stadium being blocked by migrating toads. Clearly they love their team, warts and all.

Dustin Byfuglien of the Thrashers said growing up he thought he’d be an ice fisherman not an NHL player. Three difference between the two:
3. In hockey, you have only one line out at a time;
2. Ice fishermen usually aim for the one hole;
1. Hockey players only get two minutes for hooking.

Because of a cash-flow problem, the New York Mets have received a $25-million loan from Major League baseball. The team celebrated by signing a free agent.

There’s bad news and good news for Antawn Jamison of the Cavaliers, who just surgery to repair a broken left pinky. First, he can’t play for Cleveland the rest of season. I’m not sure what the bad news is.

A Buddhist monk is facing five years in prison for violating Bhutan’s nation-wide cigarette and tobacco ban. Holy smokes.

BYU star sophomore Brandon Davies was suspended from the basketball team indefinitely for getting his girlfriend pregnant: Well, that should silence all the doubters who wondered if Davies is NBA ready.

A study found eight per cent of players in the top 25 college football programs have criminal records. I’m thinking the other 92 per cent haven’t been caught.

Jeffrey Lurie, owner of the Philadelphia Eagles, won an Academy Award for producing the documentary Inside Job. It is the story of how an NFL team breaks a man out of prison so he can quarterback the Eagles.

Miguel Cabrera being in the Detroit Tigers lineup for the first time this week as a designated hitter: “And maybe someday he’ll be a designated driver.”

Northwestern University is investigating a psychology professor who allowed a couple to have sex in front of a class. What’s the big deal? The class was NBA 101.

The five most miserable sports cities, according to Forbes.com: 5. San Diego; 4. Buffalo; 3. Phoenix; 2. Atlanta; 1. Seattle. Clearly, Forbes anticipated the Leafs making a run for the playoffs.

The Cubs announced a search is on for the next public address announcer at Wrigley Field: “The job has all kinds of great benefits. Including, of course, having every October off.”

“Who said, ‘All my people love me?’ 1. Moammar Gadhafi; 2. Charlie Sheen; 3. Leaf coach Ron Wilson.’ ”

With so many Charlie Sheen videos to choose from this week, we’re going to pick Jimmy Fallon’s impersonation.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/03/jimmy-fallon-charlie-sheen_n_831083.html

Sheen rambles in his corner

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/13150557/highlight/155795#utm_campaign=fhighlights&utm_source=1&utm_medium=

The week’s best late-night laughs

Late Show

David Letterman

CBS has shut down Charlie Sheen’s show, Two and a Half Men. Now I’m back to being CBS’ No. 1 paid embarrassment.

Charlie Sheen says he will come back, but he wants a raise. At least he hasn’t lost his sense of humour … The CBS commissary has named a sandwich after Charlie Sheen. It’s called a tuna meltdown.

Tonight Show

Jay Leno

Charlie Sheen said that you can’t compare him to other people because he has “tiger blood.” Then Tiger Woods said, “I have Charlie Sheen blood.”

Between Charlie Sheen, Christina Aguilera, and Lindsay Lohan, it’s been a rough time for stars. Who knew Britney Spears would be the role model?

It was really cool at the Oscars when they made it appear as if Bob Hope was alive. That’s the same technology they’ll use at Hugh Hefner’s wedding.

Conan

Conan O’Brien

Moammar Gadhafigave a rambling speech that lasted nearly three hours. So now we know where all of Charlie Sheen’s cocaine went.

Christina Aguilera was arrested for public intoxication. Police knew she was drunk because she got all the words to the national anthem right.

People complained that the Oscars were too dull. They’ve already named the hosts for next year: Charlie Sheen and Moammar Gadhafi.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Jimmy Kimmel

This is our 1,500th show. To put that in perspective, it only takes 11 episodes to choose a winner on American Idol … Charlie Sheen is also celebrating an anniversary. It’s his 1,500th interview for the week.

Charlie created a Twitter account to fill the gap between saying crazy things on television with saying crazy things online.

Charlie’s two sons are now in the care of their mother in a safer place: Libya.

Late Late Show

Craig Ferguson

Christina Aguilera was arrested for public intoxication. Is that really a crime? … Apparently Aguilera was stumbling and incoherent, which makes her perfect to host next year’s Oscars.

Happy Independence Day to Texas. For nine years, Texas was its own country. I think Texans still consider themselves another country … The show Walker: Texas Ranger never made sense to me. In a state where everyone carries a gun, he’s a ranger armed with only karate.

Anne Hathaway says she was paid $750,000 to wear a Tiffany diamond necklace to the Oscars. Lindsay Lohan said, “You can do that?”

No More Snow – Please!!!

Inside a Google auto-driving car

Yet again, Google makes advances in technology. This time they show off their auto-driven car at TED 2011. We’re counting down the days until we can get into our own automobiles and take a nap on the commute to work

Passwords

Hidden camera comic Jack Vale unleashes his newest prank: Passwords. In this humorous bit, Jack tells customers the tongue-twisting secret code they will have to say in order to get a discount

Camera Capture

With some fantastic special effects we learn about all the settings that we never use on our digital cameras.

Baby laughs at Ripping Paper

Quite refreshing in contrast to all the Sheen stuff floating around this week.

Winnipeg’s Maria Aragon performs with Lady Gaga

The Canadian YouTube sensation that we featured a couple of weeks ago performed “Born This Way” with Lady Gaga in Toronto this week.

RED SKELTON’S RECIPE :

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great ‘one liner’s’ from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late
for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her
first name was ‘Always’.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”.

Can’t you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word.
It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words,”And May God Bless” with a big smile on his face.

Ok, it’s time to play Offside Thursdays can you find it !!

Can you find the baby

That’s it for this week, enjoy the games this weekend.

I’m Joe Sports.

Picture of the day !!

Offside Thursday/No grit on this team

Yes, here I am in Prescott Valley, Arizona. I made the road trip with the wife. Did you know the Kings only have 11 games left in the season. Lets thank someone for that, it has been a horrible one. The Kings record is 24-26-5- for 53 points and fifth place in the Berry Conference standings.

Why did I make the trip to Arizona? I’m nuts, crazy, not all there, insane, batty, cuckoo,delirious, demented, idiotic, lunatic,mental, nutty as fruitcake, of unsound mind, out of one’s mind, psycho. AM I ANY OF THOSE…YES. BUT THE REAL REASON, my wifes parents live close to Prescott Valley.

Any other year I would have been excited about going on a road trip and heading into the playoffs. This year has been different, a lot different. I think you know what I’m talking about, let me put that another way, I know you know what I’m talking about.

Enough said, lets have a look at the past week.

Last night…Wednesday night in Arizona.

Same old story, the Kings got thumped, man handled in Sundog land. The Dogs beat up on us 4-1. The game was the first meeting ever between the teams since Arizona joined the CHL.

The first period was BORING AND I MEAN BORING.The RiverKings outshot the Sundogs 9-6. It was 0-0 after twenty minutes of play.

Arizona opened the scoring in the second period on goals from Mark Kolanos and Jason Visser. Kings Matt Summers cut into their lead with a goal on the powerplay at 12:28. But the Sundogs increased their lead by two as Joey Sidesscored at 4:18 in the middle frame.It was 3-1 Sundogs after forty minutes of play.

Luke Erickson’s finished off the Kings on the powerplay at 14:09 in the third period. The final 4-1 Sundogs.

The Kings were 1-for-4 on the powerplay, Arizona was 2-for-8. The Sundogs outshot the RiverKings 49-28. Mississippi netminder Sterling takes the loss, he stopped 45 of 49 shots directed his way. Sterling has a record of (11-12-3). Sundogs netminder Levente Szuper was steady between the pipes he stopped 27 of 28 shots directed his way.

The Arizona Sundogs snapped a five-game winless streak and earned their third straight win at home Wednesday night at Tim’s Toyota Center. I didn’t have a tough time picking up two tickets before the game, the attendance folks was only 1,502.

Saturday

The Kings got on the board first at the DCC, with a powerplay goal at 16:19 from Matt Summers. The Oilers would tie it up though, with only 1:28 left in the period on a goal by Jack Combs’. It was 1-1 after one.

Only one goal was scored in the second period and it was not scored by the home team. Tulsa’s John Mori scored with eight only seconds left. It was 2-1 Oilers after forty minutes of play.

Chris Richard scored his 16th goal of the year on the powerplay. It was 2-2 at the end of sixty minutes.

Then it was overtime.

It didn’t help in overtime, that we started the OT session on the powerplay.

Oilers, Tyler Fleck took a stupid penalty at 19:23 of the third which carried over into OT. WE COULD NOT SCORE !!

But the Oilers did at 2:10, on a goal by Beausoleil. The final 3-2 Oilers.

Goaltending was an issue on Saturday, we outshot the Oilers 40-25. Trevor Cann stopped 38 of 40 shots directed his way. The Mississippi netminder  stopped 22 shots, but he had only 25 shots directed his way.

The RiverKings were 2-for 11 on the pathetic powerplay.

Friday

The Oilers edged the Kings on Friday night at the DCC, the final 6-5 Tulsa.

Jack Combs opened the scoring for the Oilers at 12:18. The Kings would respond with a powerplay goal from Flath at 15:31. It was then tied at one. But the Oliers got on the board again with another goal from Combs. It was 2-1 Oilers after twenty minutes of play.

The Kings tied the game in the second period, I missed that one as I was getting a few pops, the Kings scored at 0:10.Chris Auger scored for the Kings. Beausoleil gave Tulsa a 3-2 lead with a goal at 3:33. But the Kings rallied for two more in the second, Summers scored at 5:56 and Landmesser scored at 17:58. It was 4-3 Kings after forty minutes of play.

Then in the third period, guess what, the Kings scored again and we had a two goal lead. Yes a two goal lead. Chris Richards SCORED AT 4:00. I guess the two goal lead went to the Kings heads. The Oilers responded with 3 unanswered goals. Battaglia scored at 8:44, then Beausoleil scored at 12:44. The winner for the Oilers came at 14:00, Marty Standish beat Sterling and the final was 6-5 Oilers.

Mississippi out shot the Oilers 39-34.

Up next…Arizona hockey. Next action for the RiverKings will come this Friday and Saturday night at 8:05 pm Central time in Arizona. Bob Bakken will have the call on Sports 56, WHBQ-AM with the pre-game at 7:50 pm Central time.

If you want to get together with other Kings fans, a get together will be at the Southaven Buffalo Wild Wings, just north of Goodman Road on Airways Boulevard.

Remember the start time of both these games on Friday, March 4th and Saturday, March 5th.Game time is 7:50 pm Central time.

Joe Sports thoughts

Whose team is it? Is anybody going to take charge? Those are all questions that are looming for me. It looks like we are stuck in mud.

We’re just missing too many assignments, we need EVERYONE to step up and take some responsibility for what’s happening around the front of our net.

Now I thought Killer had lost something this season, but Gardner has nothing, there’s no grit on this team.

Remember when…

In his first campaign as RiverKings’ coach, Kaminski has immediately fashioned his team into a championship-caliber group, now with a Northeast Division regular season title, and a 43-16-3 record with two games remaining in the schedule. Look at that record, what has happened?

At least Kaminski bought into his coaching philsophy of grit and hard work. Gardner has brought none of that.

True Grit!!

That’s the way I see it and I’m Joe Sports.

CHL might lose two !!

The Odessa Jackalopes confirmed Tuesday that they are in final negotiations to bring a North American Hockey League club to the Permian Basin for the 2011-2012 season. Laredo might follow.

This is bad news for the CHL.

http://www.oaoa.com/sports/league-61172-hockey-north.html
It’s time for Offside Thursday

Unconfirmed reports have Jeopardy-winning computer Watson in a battle of wits with Leafs GM Brian Burke. One is known for being calculating and humourless; the other is made by IBM.

Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia says he has quit Cap’n Crunch. He is now know simply as Sabathia.

 The Caltech men’s basketball team edged Occidental by a single point in their season finale 46-45, ending a conference losing skid of 310 consecutive games that spanned 26 years. And there’s more good news. After calculating the statistical improbability of it all, Caltech has been nominated for their 32nd nobel. Occidental missed their last-gasp shot. It figures. They try to win for all those years then it happens Occidentally.

Sources in California say the Jay at Maverick’s Big Wave Surfing Invitational—which was under threat of cancellation due to a lack of giant waves—may take place after all. In a related story, JaMarcus Russell was seen swimming in San Francisco Bay.

Paraguayan javelin thrower Leryn Franco, Brazilian surfer Bruna Schmitz and American volleyballer Kim Glass each had their Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue photos taken in the mountains of Banff, Alberta Canada. Talk about athletes at their peak. Wasn’t that where Margie was from.

Banff, Canada

Sterger

 Three examples of gross over-estimates in sports:
3. At the start of this season, Brent Sutter claiming Rene Bourque would be a combination of Rick Tocchet and Cam Neely;
2. After LeBron left, Byron Scott saying the Cavaliers still had enough talent to be a strong team in the NBA;
1. Before texting Jenn Sterger, Brett Favre trying a wide-angle lens

 

Jessica Simpson says she and ex-NFL tight end Eric Johnson are jointly planning their wedding. I saw Johnson play. Let him help with the ceremony, but don’t count on him for the reception.

An average audience of 647,000 people watched Cathy Overton-Clapham defeat Jennifer Jones. By comparison, the Edmonton-Colorado NHL game that night drew an average of 492,000 viewers. This proves definitively there is a place for fighting in curling.

According to a new survey, one in three Russians think the sun revolves around the earth. This came as a surprise to Alexander Ovechkin, who is pretty sure it revolves around him.

DC United has re-acquired Brazilian midfielder Fred from the New England Revolution, for a second-round draft pick. And a player to be surnamed later.

Cameron Diaz, who is dating Alex Rodriguez, told Jimmy Kimmel she loves porn. I’m thinking she must also love A-Rod’s salary, which is really obscene.

Mikhail Prokharov tried to lure Carmello Anthony to the Nets. In the end, James Dolon managed to Knicks the deal.

Here’s a look at the latest videos making the rounds on YouTube this week.

A Day Made of Glass

Where will it all end?

Oh, no, Hangover Part Two

http://bit.ly/hang2trailer

Number one was so good, it’s going to be hard to beat

Speaking of movies that didn’t need a sequels-ET

Can you name all the movies that this footage was borrowed from to do this ?

Horses save Milk Truck Stuck in Snow

This video truly defines the term horse power! Watch how a kind Amish gentlemen and his massive horses pull a enormous eighteen wheeler stuck in the snow somewhere in Central Pennsylvania.

Timber

A superb stop-motion video entertains and challenges us to rethink are overuse of natural resources.

“What Is Internet, Anyway?”

A giant super-cut of news reports, commercials and instructional videos before majority of the world really knew what the internet was.

Thom Yorke’s “Single Ladies

Well, this was predictable. Someone added Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” track over Radiohead’s video for “Lotus Flower.”

Justin Bieber dies (on CSI)

You’re welcome

HIGH SCHOOL

1957 vs. 2011

Scenario 1:

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.

1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2011 – School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again.. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers

Scenario 2:

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins.. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2011 – Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnn y and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:

Jeffrey will not sit still in class, he disrupts other students.

1957 – Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2011 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt..

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2011 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock

 

2011- The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:

Pedro fails high school English

1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.

2011 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up working at McDonalds for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 7:

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.

1957 – Ants die.

2011 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents — and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated.
Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:

Wally falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Nancy. Nancy hugs him to comfort him.

1957 – In a short time, Wally feels better and goes on playing.

2011 – Nancy is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison… Wally undergoes 5 years of therapy and is never the same again.

How stupid have we become?

That’s it for this week, so long from Arizona. I’ve got two more games to watch in Arizona. Maybe the Kings can take one and make my road trip worth while. I can’t even think of losing three here and having to put up with the mother-in-law.

Enjoy the games this weekend.

I’m Joe Sports.

Picture of the Day!!

Jekyll and Hyde: Report card time

The Kings record is 19 - 18 – 1 and at this moment that is good for 5th place in the Berry Conference.

With 28 games remaining, the path of the RiverKings is uncertain. Will the team actually go on a real winning streak and push for the playoffs? Or will the Kings continue to sputter along?

Will coach Gardner start a dismantling or simply tinker until the summer and make a sweeping move?

The O: C-A bit disappointing to be honest considering I was expecting to enter this season with a stellar offense. It has been incredibly erratic to say the least. The lack of a first line has really hurt this team offensively and also defensively and prevents it from reaching its full potential.

The D: C-Disappointing also. At this point it is merely average and some may even argue below average. Landmesser has been looking like an average defenseman, which would be fine if he wasn’t captain of this team and making big dollars. His offensive numbers aren’t up to expectations. He’s too slow at this level. Time to retire.

This team has been disappointing, I don’t see potential in the Kings as it stands.It seems to lack the mental acuity to play consistently at a certain level and as a result shows a different side of itself at every game.

The Kings have shown that it can be Jekyll and Hyde and when it shows up on the ice you don’t know which one is going to show up.

Hopefully the coach will make some trades and get new acquisitions from some trades this season. Such as GETTING RID OF SOME BIG FOWARD NAMES AND OLD D -MEN and get back to the basics of hockey and that is hard work.

I’d like to hear you guys grade the team’s performance so far and I’m sure it will be mixed between people like me who see the team as merely average with unfulfilled potential as a result of the rebuilding process and then others who see the team as dreadful that needs to be completely revamped.

email me at:

joesports@ymail.com

Or leave a comment below:

The Roller Coaster season is still happening.

28 games left!!

If you look at that record at face value(19 – 18 – 1), I think it reflects the talent level on this club and the tooth-and-nail dogfight the Kings will be in over the final games of the regular season as they look to secure a playoff spot.

Here’s a player-by-player assessment of the Kings as they turn the page on the first half of the season.

The D

#55 Derek Landmesser
As I said above: Landmesser has been looking like an average defenseman, which would be fine if he wasn’t captain of this team and making big dollars. His offensive numbers aren’t up to expectations. He’s too slow at this level. Time to retire.C-

#5 Russell Smith
A solid, stay-at-home performer. Some defensive breakdowns of late but, again, he’s not alone. B+

#46 Milan Maslonka
Always hurt and does not have the jets. C-

#44 Nathan Lutz
A very steady performer along the blueline, exceeding expectations/A-

#7 Dane Marshall
He doesn’t always look pretty.He’s fine when he works within his game. But he has had a tough year. B.

#4 Martin Kubaliak -
Mississippi 01/17/11 Kubaliak, Martin (D) waived

#24 Andrew Lackner- Lackner, Andrew (D) placed on 10 day IR
He plays well in stretches and plays badly in (long) stretches. Not having the year I thought he would have. But no one else is having a good year. C

The O

#3 Patrik Levesque
Making the most of his ice time. He can contribute offensively. B

#9 Matt Boyd
Hard-working performer brings his “A” game on most nights. The proof will be in the pudding, at playoff time. B

#16 Louis Dumont
Good old Lou. A solid two-way contributor who has earned his paycheck. A

#19 Matt Summers
A bit of a surprise for me. I didn’t think he had a good season last season. But overcame a slow start this season and has become one of the more consistent offensive performers on this team. B+

#20 R.G. Flath
Good wheels, great shot, and his defensive game has improved. B-

#26 Chris Auger
Tons of effort, but is fighting for second and third-line ice time. C

#27 Brennan Sarazin
A very steady performer, exceeding expectations. However, his lack of foot speed has become glaringly apparent.

#72 Jeff Christian
Great guy. 11 goals in 38 games has to be classified as a disappointment for the player who should be leading this team in scoring by a long shot. Prone to defensive lapses in the neutral zone. However, he always a threat to score whenever he fires the puck. C

#83 Chris Richards
Another frustratingly inconsistent performer. His production will forever be linked to his fat salary. Truth is, Jeff and Chris are the biggest disapointments of the season.C

#22 Tyler Sheldrake
Prone to long lapses of lazy hockey.C-

#87 Darrell Stoddard/
A solid two-way player. He can contribute offensively, now and then. Has earned every single second of ice time. Put him in front of the net, and good things happen. He gets an “A” for effort, alone. B+

Tenders: B-

Sterling and Pechurskiy have given the Kings on most nights the opportunity to win.

Unfortunately for the two backstops, the Kings don’t score a lot of goals.Both netminders have shown this season that they can be brilliant, however, they seem to lack the mental stability to ensure that it remains through the thick and thin and this has resulted in both goalies showing several poor performances this season.

The new coach, Gardner, I’ll give a B.

Overall:

That’s it for today. I’ll be back on Thursday with Offside Thursday and a re-cap of the Kings road trip and Tuesday’s game vs the Bugs.

I’m Joe Sports.

A new season begins now !!

Offside Thursday/I’m happy with a split on the road. I am. Really I am/NFL picks

A split for Kings is better than nothing.

It was Friday night hockey in Laredo. I’m happy with a split on the road. I am. Really I am.
On Friday night in Laredo the Kings opened the scoring with a goal from Brennan Sarazin. It was 1-0 after one.

Chris Richards made it 2-0 in the second, but the the Bucks replied with one of their own, off the stick of Daniel Koger. Then it was penalty shot time and Kings forward Jeff Christian made no mistake about it and found the twine behind Torrie Jung. It was 3-1 Kings after forty minutes of play.

Laredo’s Justin Styffe got one more for the Bucks in the third. But that’s all she wrote on this night for Laredo. As the Kings held on and edged the Bucks 3-2. Larry Sterling was steady between the pipes as he stopped 22 of 24 shots directed his way.

Our dismal powerplay continued on Friday the Kings were 1 for 6. Laredo were 1 for 4.

Saturday

Laredo scored two goals at 14:35 and at 15:25, Jeff Bes scored the first one and Ryan Lehr scored the second and it was 2-0 Bucks after one.

cks took a 3-0 lead on a goal by Serge Dube (powerplay) at 10:45 of the second period. It was 3-0 after forty minutes of play.

The Kings tried to mount a comeback in the third as Brennan Sarazin found the back of the net at 4:08.Then with netminder Pechurskiy pulled for the extra attacker, Dumont scored with 1:07 remaining.

With the Kings net still empty, Laredo finished off the Kings with an empty netter from Neil Trimm with 40 seconds left. The Final 4-2 Bucks.

Laredo outshot the RiverKings 29-22.

Highlights:

http://www.pro8news.com/sports/Laredo-Bucks-Sink-Riverkings-113186544.html

Joe Sports thoughts

The Kings have a record of 16-17-1.

Well folks, we are halfway through the season now and I think we all have a pretty good idea of what we can expect from the Kings for the rest of the season.

And sadly it’s one we can’t wake up from.

After sitting through another night of painful Kings hockey on Saturday night.I‘m sick of the Kings just looking like a pathetic hockey team that doesn’t even belong in this league.

Where do I begin? The Kings look like crap. A team that doesn’t care if they win OR lose. Some players should be benched or traded.

If this is what we can expect from the Kings for the rest of the season, it will be hard to watch the last 32 games, even praying to the Hockey Gods won’t help.

I will say one positive thing about this season, the fans have been great !! No matter where we are, home or on the road, it’s ‘What time does the puck drop?

That’s the way I see it and I’m Joe Sports.

Still on the road.

Next up for the RiverKings.

Friday, January 14th, at Missouri, a game that starts at 7:05pm. Saturday, January 15th, the RiverKings play at Evansville at 7:35 pm, and on Sunday, January 16th, Mississippi finishes the road trip.4 PM (Central time) that game is at Fort Wayne.

As they say, the stars were out in Rapid City on Wednesday night as 5,009 packed the Rushmore Plaza Civic Center Arena. The Rapid City Rush (the defending CHL Champs) were whipped by the CHL All-Stars by a final score of 11-6. This format makes no sense at all. I’m glad I didn’t pay the bucks for that.

It’s time for Offside Thursday !!

Memphis Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins banned all team gambling after O.J. Mayo and Tony Allen got into a scrap over a card game. All gambling? Does that include playing for the Grizzlies?

Ten-year-old Kathryn Gray of Fredericton, N.B., became the youngest person ever to discover a supernova – a star blowing itself apart. It will be called Supernova 2010lt because Tiger Woods and Lindsay Lohan are already taken.

Today is the 28th birthday of the Edmonton Oilers starting goalie. Khabibulin to you, Khabibulin to you, Khabibulin dear Nikolai, Khabibulin to you.

There’s debate whether Blake Griffin of the Clippers will make the West’s NBA All-Star team. I’m thinking it should be a slam dunk.

A New York man who jumped from a ninth-floor window last week but survived when garbage broke his fall is rumoured to have been upset the G-Men didn’t make the playoffs. Sources say it may have been a Giant leap for Manning kind.

Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets has reportedly hired a publicist to promote his image while he’s dating Kim Kardashian.

Hmm. It really is hard keeping up with the Kardashians.

Lebron James Compared his Miami team to the Beatles, calling them the Heatles. This may be because they’ve Come Together, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8LZGQ4MkvQ

but to many fans LeBron is still The Fool on The Hill. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KkGVccgJrA

Dustin Johnson Of the PGA is reportedly dating LPGA player Natalie Gulbis. No word on who made the approach. Boy I wouldn’t mind being the caddie for her.

Matt Tiffany of the San Diego Union-Tribune, after LeBron James said his comments about NBA contraction were misunderstood because he used the word without knowing what it meant: “ESPN quickly picked up on the story in a one-hour special it called ‘The Definition.’ “

It just hit me: If Tiger Woods did have a fire hydrant beside his driveway, why was he allowed to park there?

The New York Times reports it’s been one of the coldest winters ever in the eastern U.S. It’s been so cold in New Jersey, Ilya Kovalchuk has his hands in his own pockets.

The Russian junior hockey team was kicked off their flight home for unruly behaviour. Not to worry though; at their age they’re used to being grounded. Shucks they like their vodca.

The Russian hockey team’s comeback in the third period of the World Junior final is being called a fairytale ending. After the Canadians put three by goalie Shikins’ shinny shins, Russia huffed and puffed and blew Canada’s house down.

Just wondering: If a Maple Leafs fan gets banned from the Air Canada Centre for throwing waffles onto the ice, does that make him an Eggomaniac?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGx7TqdQNC4&feature=player_embedded

In 1888, the paper drinking straw was patented. It was the biggest breakthrough in sucking history, until the LA Clippers.

The New York Jets are being accused of sexual harassment by two female massage therapists, a female reporter; several players made sexual comments to an attractive Mexican reporter, coach Rex Ryan has foot fetish videos online and cornerback Antonio Cromartie has fathered nine children with eight women.

I’m starting to think the Jets might want to rethink the Viagra dispenser in the training room

Arkansas wildlife officials can’t explain the hundreds of blackbirds lying dead on the ground Sunday and thousands of dead fish in the Arkansas River. It’s scary. No one knows if we’re about to witness the end of the world or the first episode of Sarah Palin’s Arkansas.

000-Sarah Palin’s Arkansas

Dec. 27, in case you missed it, was National Fruitcake Day. That’s when a Jets reporter sees his shadow, and it’s six more weeks of Rex Ryan quotes.

Hear about the George Steinbrenner statue erected outside the Yankees’ spring-training facility in Tampa, Fla.? “If you stand next to the statue in a downwind,” wrote Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel, “you can hear it firing Billy Martin.”

Good old Billy.

What home-field advantage?” The road teams won three of the four NFL playoff games this weekend. The only home winner: the 7-9 Seattle Seahawks. Go figure.” I WAS 2 out of 4 !!

This week:

No. 5 Baltimore Ravens at No. 2 Pittsburgh Steelers

These teams, playing for the eighth time in three seasons, play famously close games; the hero or goat in a stadium noted for being the Bermuda Triangle for field-goal kickers could well be one of those two men: Shaun Suisham (Pittsburgh) and Billy Cundiff (Baltimore). I’m going for the upset-Ravens.
21 17

No. 6 Green Bay Packers at No. 1 Atlanta Falcons

Saturday night’s game in Atlanta between the sixth-seeded Packers and top-seeded Falcons. Yes everyone is talking about Green Bay’s running back James Starks. That was one game and I do believe that the Falcons will shut that down. They have a week to prepare.Falcons win. Starks was a one week wonder.

28 14

No. 4 Seattle Seahawks at No. 2 Chicago Bears

Seattle didn’t play a perfect game in its 23-20 win at Soldier Field, but it was darn close. Zero sacks of Matt Hasselbeck. Zero turnovers. But I think the Seattle magic ends at Soldier Field.

14 7

No. 6 New York Jets at No. 1 New England Patriots

Tom Brady will beat Mark Sanchez.

Brady’s just playing too well, with too many places to go with the ball, to think he can be held down now. Not!!

38 14

Gotta love this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV6I1_o6vrY

Ghostbusters Recut Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4wagcmxh4o

Chasing intel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM0ptMqNhso

That’s it for today, enjoy the football games and the Kings games this weekend.

I’m Joe Sports, Report Card Time next Thursday.