Big Jack’s Rhymes: How to Fix the Tigers, Rebels and Volunteers

The UT Vols have been hit with the SEC’s curse
But the Ole Miss Rebels have it even worse.

The Vols have no conference wins – zip, zero, nada, no doubt.
While Ole Miss likewise has been totally shut out.

The Tigers are so bad they have become a bore
And it has been mentioned they might stop keeping score.

OK, Ole Miss fans would be all smiles
If the Rebels could hire LSU’s Coach Miles.

And Nick Saban would be a perfect fit for Tennessee.
A couple of years down the line and they’d be home scot-free.

But the Tigers are different — how does this sound:
It would take the Almighty Himself to turn them around.

So Tiger fans hang tough and please don’t blow it,
Because basketball will be here before you now it…

 

Written by Jack Eaton on 11/06/11. “Big” Jack can be heard every Friday at 8am on KWAM 990 alongside former County Commissioner John Willingham. He was recently inducted into the Tennessee Sports Hall of Fame.

Who will last longer at his new job: Coach Porter or Coach Dooley?

This article originally appeared in the September 2010 issue of MemphiSport.

MSL hosts Kevin Cerrito and Marcus Hunter debate.

KEVIN: Obviously, one of the state’s two new college football coaches will have to quit or get fired before the other. If I had to pick today, I’d say Derek Dooley lasts longer as the University of Tennessee coach than Larry Porter does as the University of Memphis coach.

MARCUS: That’s not going to happen. Dooley will be out after this season if he doesn’t have a winning record. Porter could lose for four years in a row and still keep his job.

KEVIN: Fired after one season? No way! How many seasons are you predicting for Porter? UT is under too much scrutiny from the NCAA to fire a squeaky clean coach after one season. Besides, Vol fans are rallying around Dooley. No one has ever been loved so much for not being Lane Kiffin.

MARCUS: I give Dooley maybe two seasons. By mistake, the Vols will go 6-6 this year. I give Porter five seasons.  By that time, he will either be fired or so successful that he’ll take another job.

KEVIN: You have such specific predictions. You are like Memphis’ version of Miss Cleo.

MARCUS: I’m on it. In five years, you will see that I’m correct.

KEVIN: Isn’t the point of hiring a hometown guy like Porter is so he doesn’t take another other job?

MARCUS: Yes. But money and big conferences talk. No matter how much he wins, Porter will always be No. 2 in Memphis to Josh Pastner. And he is a guy that drives to be No. 1. Dooley was No. 1 when he stepped on campus because in Knoxville football is everything. Memphis fans don’t have the same love for their football team.

KEVIN: If Porter is successful, he could be No. 1 in Memphis. It’s not as far-fetched as some people believe. For a long time, this city has been starved for good football. Memphis is a basketball town in college football country.

MARCUS: In C-USA, Porter just needs to field an average team and that will be good enough to win some games and make a bowl. Remember, Tommy West led the Tigers to bowl games in seasons where they went 0-3 against teams from the Sun Belt conference.

KEVIN: Porter’s schedule is already harder than West’s schedules. Goals and expectations have changed for Tiger fans, especially one Tiger fan in particular who was publicly against the Porter hire- Fred Smith.

MARCUS: If UT goes 5-7, Dooley is out. If Memphis goes 5-7, the fans are singing in the streets.

KEVIN: That’s preposterous. No Tiger fan is singing in the street at a 5-7 season. Right now, there are only two events that would lead Tiger football fans to celebrate like that–beating UT or going to the AutoZone Liberty Bowl.

MARCUS: If Memphis beats UT, Porter gets four more years and Dooley gets the boot. Dooley isn’t just on a short leash, he has no leash at all.

KEVIN: Tennessee has a history of patience with coaches. Phillip Fulmer lost to the Tigers and stayed there 17 years. In that time, Memphis had three different head coaches.

MARCUS: Fulmer did lots of good while at UT, had one bad season, then was forced out. There is no competition in C-USA. Porter will be at Memphis longer on that alone. He will have an easier path to winning.

KEVIN: It may be easier to win in C-USA, but it is easier to recruit at UT. Not to mention, Dooley has the media on his side in Knoxville. Porter got off to a bad start in the Bluff City and has ticked off the local media with his unique policies.

MARCUS: Porter is a Memphis guy, a former Tiger running back. They aren’t going to do him wrong and give him a quick axe.

KEVIN: I am not saying he is getting a quick axe. I’m saying Porter is in the worse situation. Winning at Memphis is not easy. When you add up all the program’s preexisting problems up with the Cannon Smith quarterback controversy and the local media being unfairly against him, the deck is definitely stacked against Porter.

MARCUS: West lasted lots longer than he should have. Which is why Porter will last longer than maybe he should, no matter how he does on the field. There is no way Dooley is the guy UT wanted to hire. I think in some ways they want him to fail so they can bring in someone they really want.  Dooley is not a traditional SEC coach.

KEVIN: Dooley is more of an SEC coach than his predecessor was. Kiffin was more of a Tosh.0 look-a-like than he was an SEC coach.

Kevin Cerrito and Marcus Hunter can be heard every week on MSL on Sports 56 WHBQ. Podcasts of the show can be found online at memphisport.net.

Photo by Chase Gustafson.

Memphisport Live: 08.31.10

KevinMarcus and Andy give their official predictions for  the 2010 college football season.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Prince Mongo Presents the Fourth Annual M Awards

It’s been an eventful year for sports in Memphis. From UFC, to Allen Iverson (who?), to a quick dose of reality for Tiger basketball. There have been shake-ups in Memphis sports media and even a case of life imitating art when Lionel Hollins gave Jarvis Greer a #thundastick during a post-game press conference.

And in the 2010 M Awards, we have a little bit of it all — repeat winners who don’t look like they’re going anywhere, new winners who will probably hold the crown as long as they never bolt for Kentucky and a few new winners that are tough to swallow.

A number of winners this year join an exclusive club — not one of these 4-time winners have ever lost their respective categories. Prince Mongo, heir to the throne of Zambodia, has transported himself in to bless the M Awards with his presence. Prince Mongo wanted to make some out of this world comments on these “grand slam” winners. So we obliged his highness. Without further ado, the winners of the 4th Annual M Awards winners.

The always entertaining and often controversial Price Mongo gave his first major interview since the 2009 election LIVE in studio on the Tuesday, June 29, 2010 edition of Memphis Sport Live (MSL). As part of his appearance, Mongo took phone calls and answered questions from fellow “spirits.” Listen to the full audio of the interview at Memphissport.net and tune in to MSL with Kevin Cerrito and Marcus Hunter every Tuesday at 6:00 PM on Sports 56 WHBQ.


Most Memorable Moment And by “memorable,” we’re sure you all mean: “holy-canola-oil-we’re-glad-that-slimeball-Calipari-lost.” But we’ll stick with “memorable.” Yeah, that’s it.

Kentucky Losing  in the NCAA Tournament (March 27, 2010) – 32.94%
Tommy West Farewell Press Conference (November 9, 2009) – 21.24%
UFC comes to Memphis (December 12, 2009) – 14.21%

Moment We Would Most Like To Forget Embarrassing and hilarious, Allen Iverson was labeled a “bench player” before he even got to Memphis. He would never play a game in Memphis.

Allen Iverson’s short Grizzlies career – 27.91%
The nationally televised and low attended Memphis vs. ECU game in the rain – 19.27%
Tigers losing to Ole Miss in the NIT – 15.95%

Favorite Concessions

Barbeque nachos, beer, hot dogs, hummus, veggie dogs, paninis and bruschetta. The variety in AutoZone Park’s concessions dwarfs all of its competitors combined. You can go vegetarian for the first half of the game, dive into some Memphis barbeque in the second half and top it off with soft serve before you leave — and you still won’t even be close to having tried it all.

AutoZone Park – 46.96%
FedExforum – 33.5%
Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium and LP Field (tie) – 5.91%

Favorite Place to Tailgate We’re using the term “tailgate” loosely, but, a world-famous cobblestone street decorated with various watering holes, and overflowing with intoxicating spirits does sound a little bit better than a parking lot in Orange Mound.

Beale Street – 24.7%
Highland Hundred Parking Lot – 21.61%
The Grove – 16.47%

Favorite Race Memphis’ best-attended race is the most popular. That is, unless you’re one of those downtowners who can’t get out of your garage because someone’s cramping and eating an orange in the middle of the street.

St. Jude Marathon – 42.69%
Race for the Cure – 22.89%
Redbirds Jumbotron Red, Blue and Green Car Race – 10.33%

Best Game Kobe dropped 44 and became the leading scorer in Laker history, hometown product Lester Hudson had 11 in the third quarter, and Kobe even deferred on the final possession. In the end, Rudy Gay hit the big 3-pointer and helped the Grizzlies to a big home win.

Grizzlies Beat The Champs – Grizzlies 95, Lakers 93 (February 1, 2010) – 28.93%
Memphis wins over St. John’s in the NIT (March 14, 2010) – 22.84%
Tigers 55 vs. Kansas 57 (November 17, 2009) – 22.17%

Favorite Sporting Venue Not only is it the best venue in the city, but it’s one of the better venues in all of basketball. The beer’s not cheap and the pro team needs to improve, but it’s so much more comfortable than the Pyramid. Now if we can just get someone over there to stop making them check upper-level tickets for Monday night games between the Grizzlies and the Pacers…

FedExForum – 54.53%
AutoZone Park – 25.04%
Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium – 7.08%

Favorite Annual Event There was standing room only outside the FedExForum before the doors opened. Once they did, we all watched Yo Gotti teach first-year coach Josh Pastner how to look for a five-star chick.

Memphis Madness – 37.31%
St. Jude Championship – 19.9%
Redbirds 4th of July Fireworks Game – 14.76%

Best Place to Stock Up for the Big Game Grab the beer, brats and charcoal… and maybe an Ice for your bros.

Kroger – 41.22%
Buster’s Liquor – 25.51%
Schnucks – 13.51%

Favorite Local Sports Bar/Restaurant Seat yourself, watch a game and woof down a Huey Burger. A greasy slice of heaven. The steak fries are grossly underrated.

Huey’s – 37.91%
Brookhaven Pub – 18.52%
TJ Mulligan’s – 12.69%

Favorite National Sports Bar/Restaurant B-Dubs. BWW. Buffalo Wild Wings. Whatever you call it, gotta love the cheap wing nights at this grand slam winner. With joints all over town and (hopefully) at least one cheap beer special going on, B-Dubs is the voters’ choice.

Buffalo Wild Wings – 36.58%
Flying Saucer – 22.74%
Fox and Hound – 18.46%

Best Place to Eat Before/After the Game Huey’s is pretty much a staple when it comes to sports, food and booze.

Huey’s – 30.09%
The Kooky Canuck – 21.54%
Rendezvous – 21.71%

Best Place to Take the Team after a Victory Something about Midtown and East Memphis just scream thin crust.

Memphis Pizza Café – 35.9%
Mellow Mushroom – 17.34%
Garibaldi’s – 14.89%

Favorite Bowling Alley Once again, Billy Hardwick’s bowls a perfect game.

Billy Hardwick’s All Star Lanes – 36.98%
Cordova Bowling Center – 19.49%
Bartlett Lanes – 16.58%

Favorite Place to Play Cards Nothing like topping off a hot streak in blackjack with a walk down to Paula Deen’s buffet.

Harrah’s Tunica – 29.47%
Horseshoe Casino & Hotel – 27.31%
Gold Strike Casino – 14.93%

Favorite Golf Course Why’d you have to go and take over the game like that, Justin Timberlake? He’s got the other courses “crying him a river.” Get it?!?

Mirimichi – 23.21%
TPC Southwind – 21.47%
The Links at Galloway – 19.54%

Favorite Golf Store Dick’s narrowly takes home the title for “store where you most like to kill time and go play with the new putters on the artificial greens.”

Dick’s Sporting Goods – 30.1%
Edwin Watts Golf – 28.08%
Double Eagle Golf – 13.94%

Favorite Sporting Goods Store Big box takes the cake. Best place to putt, suit up in catcher’s gear and roller skate across the store.

Dick’s Sporting Goods – 42.93%
The Sports Authority – 20.67%
Bass Pro Shops – 16.08%

Favorite Sports Apparel Store They’re close to one in the same, but the Tiger Gift Shop takes the title. Perhaps thanks to Dave Woloshin’s commercials.

Tiger Gift Shop – 31.93%
Tiger Book Store – 25.26%
College Station – 12.46%

Favorite Healthy Store Vegetarian? Fresh food snob? A lot better at being healthy than the rest of us? Those who are head to Whole Foods Market.

Whole Foods Market – 33.89%
Fresh Market – 30.02%
Smoothie King – 13.63%

Favorite Martial Arts Facility Memphis Judo and Jiu-Jitsu dominated this category. This was a TKO in round one.

Memphis Judo and Jiu-Jitsu – 34.27%
USA Karate – 18.08%
Midtown Taekwondo – 11.74%

Favorite Bike Shop The Peddler once again takes the yellow jersey in the Tour de M Awards.

Peddler Bike Shop – 34.16%
Midtown Bike Co. – 20.7%
Outdoors, Inc. – 15.53%

Favorite Place to Spend a Nice Afternoon For an afternoon stroll with the pooch or alongside the bison, voters prefer Shelby Farms.

Shelby Farms – 30.52%
The Memphis Zoo – 29.54%
The Bluff at AutoZone Park – 19.93%

Favorite Workout Facility You could stand in the lobby and do the dance or probably even sign up for a class and do it with 100 other people at the same time.

YMCA – 29.43%
Germantown Athletic Club – 15.85%
ATC Fitness – 12.08%

Best Local Sports Twitter Despite a relentless campaign by the runner-up, Memphis’ own national columnist took home the award in commanding fashion. A nice recovery after falling short in a number of other categories.

@GaryParrishCBS – 34.11%
@FantasyTillery – 18.22%
@cdouglasroberts – 14.19%

Best Local Sports Blogsite Nowhere can you find more in-depth information about Tiger basketball recruiting. Be it this year’s class, next year’s or several years down the line, Memphis Roar has it all.

Memphis Roar (memphisroar.com) – 28.9%
Chris Vernon’s Blog (chrisvernon.blogspot.com) – 19.65%
The Memphis Edge (thememphisedge.com) – 18.69%

Favorite Sports Radio Personality Just listen to Memphis basketball coach Josh Pastner — Chris Vernon should be an NBA general manager. Vernon is the longtime most outspoken, grand slam-winning radio personality in Memphis, offering advice and commentary to Grizzlies general manager Chris Wallace from himself and his listeners on a regular basis. He’s withstood multiple lineup and station shake-ups and is still voters’ choice for favorite sports radio personality.

Chris Vernon, The Chris Vernon Show – 33.51%
Gary Parrish, The Gary Parrish Show with Geoff Calkins – 27.21%
“Boat” Woloshin, Sportime and Sportstime Extra – 15.86%

Favorite Sports Radio Program Utterly hilarious guests (read: Sonny Vaccaro) make the afternoons from 3-6 p.m. all the more enjoyable. But what’s gotten the Chris Vernon Show to grand slam status is consistent quality. The show brings to the table and breaks more Grizzlies news than your average afternoon radio show. But don’t tell him that. He might go on full segment-long rant about it and use it to explain why OJ Mayo should start at point guard.

The Chris Vernon Show – 35.96%
The Gary Parrish Show with Geoff Calkins – 27.9%
Sportstime with George Lapides and “Boat” Woloshin – 9.18%

Favorite Sports Television Personality Jarvo isn’t afraid to ask Lionel Hollins tough questions or to receive the subsequent #thundastick to the dome. Heck, he even got Hollins to apologize to him. From the windmill-finger point combo at the end of his sports segment to the smile that never goes away, Jarvo has no competition on the sports television airwaves. And for that, he’s all but untouchable in this category.

Jarvis Greer, Action News 5 Sports Director – 31.15%
Jerry “The King” Lawler, Monday Nght RAW – 20.77%
Greg Gaston, FOX 13 Sports Anchor – 15.30%

Best Uniforms Though they’re painfully difficult to read and look more like silk bed sheets, they’re one of the bigger Grizzlies marketing successes since Allen Iverson. Oh wait…

Grizzlies Beale Street Blue Alternates – 34.74%
Tennessee Titans Oiler Throwbacks – 25.14%
Redbirds Blue Jerseys – 17.66%

Best Hair Unless you’re from Memphis, you probably can’t read what’s written in Doneal Mack’s hair. And unless you’re from Memphis, you probably think it’s pretty stupid. But we are from Memphis, so it’s awesome. Even better than Gary Parrish’s ensemble.

Doneal Mack, UofM Basketball – 23.69%
Gary Parrish, The Gary Parrish Show – 22.01%
RC Johnson, UofM Athletic Director – 21.83%

Favorite Mascot The mascot for the city’s most popular team. Stunning. But did you know this — Chris Douglas-Roberts still has a photo of Pouncer as the screensaver on his iPhone.

Pouncer, UofM – 26.58%
Grizz, Memphis Grizzlies – 24.12%
TOM III, 22.54%

Favorite Spirit Squad Makes you wonder — what really goes into being the “favorite” spirit squad? Gotta be the personality.

Memphis Tigers Dance Team – 37.55%
Memphis Tigers Cheerleaders – 16.25%
Memphis Tigers Blue Crew – 11.73%

Favorite Fighter or Wrestler The King still gets in the ring, doles out gratuitous numbers of piledrivers and pulls the strap down when it comes time to defend the crown.

Jerry “The King” Lawler, WWE Commentator and Wrestler – 46.39%
Quinton “Rampage” Jackson – 31.19%
Dustin Starr, Local Wrestler – 10.53%

Favorite Golfer Good ol’ boy John has a lock on this one with Timberlake right on his heels. Who would have thought that Tiger Woods would take over John’s mantle as the bad boy of golf this year.

John Daly, PGA Tour – 27.7%
Justin Timberlake – Mirimichi owner – 25.54%
Loren Roberts, Champions Tour – 14.99%

Favorite Football Player DeAngelo’s going to take this one to the grave, it seems. With one of the more overwhelming victories of the awards, the grand slam winner is still the most recognizable and beloved football player in the city and probably the most famous and successful Tiger football player ever. Why his number isn’t retired remains a mystery.

DeAngelo Williams, Carolina Panthers – 52.55%
Chris Johnson, Tennessee Titans – 14.96%
Michael Oher, Baltimore Ravens – 11.86%

Favorite Basketball Player All-Star, charitable citizen, accused drug kingpin and a walking double-double all in one. How can you not like Z-Bo?

Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies – 21.31%
OJ Mayo, Memphis Grizzlies – 19.85%
Joe Jackson, White Station High School – 18.58
%

Most Hated Rival Though you’ve gotta give kudos to Kentucky from coming out of nowhere (thanks to you-know-who), there’s still nothing that sucks quite like a big orange.

Tennessee Volunteers – 41.81%
Kentucky Wildcats – 24.38%
Ole Miss Rebels – 16.9%

Favorite Athlete He’s on the radio. He’s on magazine covers. He’s still the face of the college football team even though he’s off scoring touchdowns in Charlotte, N.C.

DeAngelo Williams, Carolina Panthers – 35.99%
Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies – 16.88%
Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls – 13.36%

Favorite Coach Is it a reach to say Pastner’s got this one on lock for, um, ever? At least until he leaves for Kentucky? Put a boyish look with top recruits as the face of Tiger basketball, and you might as well be the mayor of this town.

Josh Pastner, UofM Basketball – 63.77%
Jeff Fisher, Tennessee Titans – 12.08%
Tommy West, UofM Football – 4.8%

Favorite Team Leading candidate for the “Let’s Just Name the Category After Them” award — the Memphis Tigers basketball team. Who else would nearly sell out conference games against Tulane while players make it rain at the Plush Club across the street? No, but really. The Tigers have this city and the voters on lock. Just like it’s fun to hate Tennessee, it’s even better to love the Tigers.

UofM Basketball – 57.69%
Memphis Grizzlies – 11.71%
Tennessee Titans – 7.87%

Compiled by Memphisport, Comments by Brandon Harris, Photo by Chase Gustafson.

A New Football Coach at UT

Did you hear what the UT Volunteers did
They went out and hired Vince Dooley’s kid.

He wasn’t the first choice so I’ve heard
As a matter of fact not even the second or third.

But he knows the game and his presence is commanding
So I guess one could say he was the last man standing.

He will have a tough job appeasing the Florida haters
He’ll have to go to Gainesville and whip the Gators.

But he’ll really get the Vols fans on his side
If he can do the same thing to the Crimson Tide.

Then beat Vandy and Kentucky and three or four more
And Great Scott they’ll beat a path do hid door.

Hail to Coach Dooley the #1 Volunteer
He is indeed the Redneck of the year.

A Bad Day For The Volunteers

UT football is on the wane
I guess because in the main;

The Vols have little offense which is to say
They need a quarterback the worst kind of way.

Against UCLA Jonathan Compton wanted to make a point
But the truth of it is he stunk up the joint.

So, if the oddsmakers and right and I think they are
Florida Gators fans will gather from near and far;

To see their team slam the Volunteer
And stick the ball in Coach Kiffin’s ear.

The coach said bad things and then repeated
That he thought the Gators often cheated;

This made Florida fans mad and they’ll shout more-more;
As their team goes out and runs up the score.

It could be the Volunteers longest day
But they brought it on theirselves as Coach Murphy would say.